Dear Professor Brad,
I would like to inaugurate myself as I am tasked to write an introductory letter. My registered name is Loke Nai Xun but do address me as Zyn. I love food and alone time, which I spend working out and watching Netflix.
I am currently majoring in civil engineering and have grown to find myself lacking interest in it. Perhaps it is due to the large concept difference compared to my diploma education which is more towards the supply chain industry.
I enjoy constructing presentation slides. It is also my forte because of how often I practiced in Republic Polytechnic. I have been taught that effective visual messages can enhance the delivering of takeaways to audience. With that in mind, I trained myself to ensure that only critical information is displayed.
My weaknesses include verbal and non-verbal communication. As I speak to large groups, I tend to get nervous and then stumble upon my words even though I am prepared. I have received feedback on how I fail to make eye contact smoothly with my audience. I also do find myself not reacting quickly to questions asked.
At the end of this module, I want to be capable of performing presentations eloquently while making eye contact confidently. I also want to respond to questions spontaneously in a sophisticated manner. By overcoming my weaknesses, I aim to strengthen and tailor my presentation skills to the highest level of professionalism.
Orison Swett Marden once said, “The golden opportunity you are seeking is in yourself.”. In this regard, I want to improve by achieving excellence in communication skills under the guidance of an expert. Hopefully, I can be nurtured into an inspirational communicator to motivate growth in others.
Yours sincerely,
Zyn Loke
Commented on Jia Ying's & Humaidi's blog.
(Edited)
Commented on Jia Ying's & Humaidi's blog.
(Edited)
Dear Zyn,
ReplyDeleteI love that you have displayed extensive vocabulary in your writing here. I hope that you will learn to enjoy civil engineering soon!
Please forgive me if i am a little blunt when giving feedback on the letter i sincerely hope that i can help you by doing so.
The first thing i would like to point out is how you didnt include the name of the person you are addressing in this formal letter. I think that it would be better to include it if you know whom you are addressing the letter to.
Secondly although you have decent vocabulary, there are sentences that sounds odd and unclear.
An example would be :
--My degree major is civil engineering but have zero interest in it.
I understand what you are trying to say here but it just sounds abit odd.
I feel that it would sound better if you wrote it like this:
I am currently majoring in civil engineering and have grown to find myself lacking interest in it. Explain why.
There is alot of valuable content in your letter, and i feel that if you succeed in adjusting your sentence structure appropriately, you could have a really good letter.
Best regards,
Brien
Thank you Brien for taking the time to read my letter and for the compliments you gave. I appreciate the effort that you made into producing such a worthy comment. I agree to the points you mentioned on the improvements that I can make.
DeleteI will accept and will be making the changes to the letter according to your suggestions. Once again, thank you for your time.
Dear Zyn
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this letter with us. I feel that your introduction letter is well written with correct content and organisation. I hardly find any mistake in you reflection.
However, I really respect the courage that you have to embark in a different academic path from what you have studied in polytechnic. Do hope that you will find Civil Engineering more interesting as time goes by.
I have to admit that I do have the same weakness as you and hope that at the end of this module both of us can be a better speaker.
I look forward in reading more of your writing in the future.
Best regards
JiaYing
Hello Jia Ying, thank you for taking the time to read my letter. I am flatter by the praises you gave. I do hope that I can generate interest in civil engineering soon and have the both of us working towards success in becoming a better communicator.
DeleteOnce again, thank you for your time.
Dear Zyn
ReplyDeleteI find your letter to be well-written and straightforward, and I am impressed by your use of extensive vocabulary in your writing.
I too once shared the same fear of public speaking, as the feeling of numerous eyes scrutinising my every move is unnerving to say the least. However, I realised that the audience are generally more engrossed in the topic presented to pay little to no heed to the speaker. This simple realisation made me less dreadful of public speaking and makes me even more focused on delivering the content, which serves to engage the audience more, as more attention to the topic means lesser attention on me. It also made me less likely to correct minor mistakes during public speaking, which only serves to make the mistake more obvious and interrupt my train of thought, which leads to a vicious cycle of even more mistakes. I hope that by sharing my experiences, it could help you in your goal towards being a confident communicator.
In your letter, I noticed a couple of mistakes in the first paragraph. I believe should be "tasked" and "adore" for the first and third sentences respectively. Apart from those, I think that your letter is quite well done and I hope to see more of your writing in future.
Best Wishes
Cen Wei
Hello Cen Wei, thank you for sharing such a valuable experience of yours. I agree that with great content, the audience tend to care less about the speaker. I will definitely keep this story of yours in mind when I present in future so that I can be less nervous.
DeleteI will be making changes accordingly to the points that you raised. Once again, I want to thank you for taking the time to read my letter.
Dear Zyn,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this generally clear and well-developed letter. You address all the touchpoints of the assignment and you provide very fine detail in terms of your comm skills. I really appreciate learning about your experience with slide development and applaud your willingness to share a perceived weakness.
You also make a fine effort describing your module goals. In line with your overall goal of developing "excellence in communication skills," please take note of these language-related points:
1. various language and punctuation problems
-- I love food and adores alone time which I spend most of my free time working out and watching Netflix. > (subject-verb disagreement; punctuation; redundancy)
I love food and alone time, which I spend working out and watching Netflix.
-- my diploma education which is a supply chain related course. >
(punctuation; verb tense) ?
-- I practiced in Republic Polytechnic and is adroit to establish the slides well. > (subject-verb disagreement & lack of parallel structure) ?
-- I am taught that > (verb tense: which tense starts in the past and continues in the present?) I have been taught that
2. words, phrasing
-- feedbacks > (feedback cannot be counted) feedback
-- reacting quick to questions asked. > (wrong word form) reacting quickLY to questions asked.
-- to be capable in > (wrong preposition) to be capable of
-- “Golden opportunity you are seeking is in yourself.” > (wrongly quoted: You need to use an article before count nouns such as the word 'opportunity.') “The golden opportunity you are seeking is in yourself.”
You've gotten lots of good feedback on this post and responded accordingly. I'm happy to see how much communication is taking place between you and your peers. Keep up the good work!
Cheers,
Brad
Dear Brad,
DeleteThank you for taking the time to read my letter and for the compliments that you gave. I will be making the necessary changes mentioned above.
Once again, thank you for correcting my mistakes.
Regards,
Zyn
You're welcome, Zyn. Thanks for the effort.
ReplyDelete